In Search of Happiness
I've been really sick over the last 2.5 weeks or so. I keep going to the doctors, they keep giving me different stuff, none of it works, and I keep suffering. Anyway, being sick means you can't do much. It also means you're in a lot of pain. I hate being sick.
I'm not asking for sympathy. I write this because I have nothing else to do and have a need to lament. I've been pondering more the meaninglessness of life the last few days. For some reason I've been really nostalgic too. It's kind of sad, to be honest. I even set my mind on eternal things, but even that seems meaningless.
It seems that the end in life is to be happy - this in regards to both earth and heaven. The more I experience life, the more the ultimatum "do what makes you happy" seems like a good rule to live by. [Added on 06 Sept] I think that's why Jefferson wrote in the Declaration of Independence that God has given us an inalienable right to pursue happiness. I don't mean hedonism, in the sense of what makes you happy now. I mean what makes you happy in general. The writer of Ecclesiastes writes:
Ecclesiastes 3:22:
I'm not asking for sympathy. I write this because I have nothing else to do and have a need to lament. I've been pondering more the meaninglessness of life the last few days. For some reason I've been really nostalgic too. It's kind of sad, to be honest. I even set my mind on eternal things, but even that seems meaningless.
It seems that the end in life is to be happy - this in regards to both earth and heaven. The more I experience life, the more the ultimatum "do what makes you happy" seems like a good rule to live by. [Added on 06 Sept] I think that's why Jefferson wrote in the Declaration of Independence that God has given us an inalienable right to pursue happiness. I don't mean hedonism, in the sense of what makes you happy now. I mean what makes you happy in general. The writer of Ecclesiastes writes:
Ecclesiastes 3:22:
So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him?Ecclesiastes 5:18-20:
Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him—for this is his lot. Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God. He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.Ecclesiastes 8:15:
So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun.I somehow find solace in reading Ecclesiastes. Misery loves company, I guess. When we seek happiness, we have motivation for doing good. As Dennis Prager has said, the 9-11 terrorists were not happy people.
So I'm currently in a rut because I'm not happy, and I find little value in seeking it out, because even that seems meaningless. As I searched Scripture for wisdom, I also found this verse:
Ecclesiastes 7:3:
Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.That makes sense. Laughter is often a distraction from reality. Laughter isn't true happiness; it is temporal happiness. To seek happiness is not to seek laughter. It is better for the heart to acknowledge reality than to be flung around by emotion.
Ecclesiastes 2:2:
"Laughter," I said, "is foolish. And what does pleasure accomplish?"Proverbs 14:13:
Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief.So I shouldn't seek laughter or, rather, temporary joys. I should seek what makes me happy. The problem is that nothing really does make me happy, because everything seems meaningless. In the world's eyes I have everything: a high level of education, a stable and exciting job, an amazing wife, a loving family... I should be happy, but life still seems meaningless. That is really the crux of the whole problem. Seeking happiness only masks the reality that even that is meaningless (see Ecc. 5:20 above).
I originally titled this entry A Meaningless Life. But I thought a better title would be In Search of Happiness, since I would rather just forget about the meaninglessness of life anyway.
posted by Chris Hill @ 9/02/2006 06:31:00 PM
12 comments
12 Comments:
Chris: If you haven't done so, you should read Dennis Prager's book "Happiness is a Serious Problem." I've not read it, but have heard very good things about it. I assume you're also aware of his happiness hour, which takes place during the second hour of his show every Friday? If you can't listen due to work or what not, I believe he has them archived on his website. He's got a lot of great insights on this subject. It's been said that the only happy people are the people you don't know very well. I think there's a lot of truth to that.
I think there's a lot of truth to that too. I did buy and read his book. It wasn't as good as I was hoping. His basic premise is that happiness is an obligation, and as such, a choice. Although I agree in the general sense with him, my problem is that to choose happiness, I have to ignore the realities of life, which makes me later feel worthless and then unhappy. Is it better to have understanding and grief, or ignorance and joy?
If I had to choose, I would rather understand the world around me, even if it was accompanied by grief. Ultimately, I do believe happiness is a choice and a moral obligation, though not easy to achieve. In fact, happiness may not be achieveable in some circumstances. I've found that it's far easier to be negative and unhappy. Being happy, for some reason, takes effort and work! It helps to know that no one has it easy, despite what we may perceive about others' situations. Jed
Very true, indeed. I, too, would rather have understanding of the world. It is true that happiness takes much more work. It doesn't come as a result of just waiting for it.
On a slightly different note, I forgot to point this out in the main article: the pursuit of happiness. This God given right, as stated by our Declaration of Independence, is just like the other two: life and liberty. None of those three are easy to maintain, but they are what God desires of us. And if we do take hold of the responsibility we are given, including pursuing happiness, the world will be a much better place.
You wrote what I often feel. I wish I had advice but it seems like everyone I know has had similar struggles with that. Life is difficult and I have no answers. I have heard that depression is most common among westerners, i.e. the affluent of the world. It could be true that our culture somehow encourages such tendencies (and it could also be true that no one accurately knows the extent of depression in more primitive cultures).
Sorry it took me so long to show my presence here. I was in the middle of (a beautiful) nowhere with Jeff Nelson and a couple other people and now I am in Duluth (that's not still considered the middle of nowhere, is it?)
Hope you feel better soon (but we both know it won't last...just kidding...kind of...)
I think the reason westerners are more depressed (and I fully believe that study) is due to loneliness. We could say the worst aspects of the west include sexual immorality, drugs, depression, moral relativism, and obsession with entertainment - which are all true problems of the west - but they all stem out of loneliness. I think a lot of it could be blamed on air conditioning, to be honest.
Anyway, I don't have a solution, but I find that the happiest times of my life are when I am the least lonely. Thus, being married does help. As a side note, those who join gangs or become terrorists often do it because of the brotherhood that develops as a result (they're bad, but those who join feel a sense of purpose). The problem I find with our culture - and yes, I'll pull a liberal and blame my problems on society - is that when I genuinely seek out deep friendships, they are not reciprocated, or are merely superficial. I think this is partially because men (and women to some extent) are really pushed to pursue careers in impersonal ways. I don't blame anyone in particular... wait, no, I do blame gay people. Because homosexuality has been pushed so hard, men who have close relationships are seen as kind of gay. I know this has been in the back of my head and prevented me from developing deeper relationships with other men, because I don't want to cross that gay-border. (Please note: I don't mean I'm tempted to act gay, but rather I'm afraid it may appear gay when it's not, and as a guy that's one of the worst things I could do).
The superficiality of relationships makes me want to not develop them, and the ones I do develop are either hindered by fear of looking gay, or the other person doesn't want a close relationship. Close relationships take work and can be very vulnerable. This is one of the reasons I like traveling to third world countries. Although the countries are messed up in general, oftentimes the people will develop relationships very quickly and won’t be afraid of being deep.
Anyway, I do have some close guy friends, but they live all over the country. So maybe if they all moved to wherever I live at any particular moment, I'll finally be happy.
Chris,
I remember you telling me about your loneliness theory before and I definitely agree with it. Your words are beautiful, like your mind. I also agree with your relationship feelings. It is difficult to make efforts to make friends some times because it seems like it will be a pointless, superficial friendship like you described. It is infinitely better to have a few close friends and nothing more than it is to have a bunch of shallow friends without any close ones. I wonder if this is partly because of age too. As a person ages and matures maybe it is natural for his relationships to narrow...and hopefully to deepen. Or maybe as you age you just quit having time for as many people. Now I'm way off on a tangent and I'm not sure why I'm here.
Chris, you are asking good questions. Don't be too quick to come up with an answer ;)...sometimes entertaining the question is more rewarding than any answer will ever be.
There is much good to what has been said here about loneliness. On another train of thought, happiness often comes from seeing God in the nuances of life...in tragedy, in an opponent's view point, in loneliness, in the rich and in the poor, in life with your wife, and in space exploration. It is often our particular relations with God in these nuances that uncovers the meaning that we desire.
Relational (divine or otherwise) meaning is often easier to grasp than ultimate meaning...even in the process of the questions we ask.
Couple thoughts here:
I don't think that we're called to be happy. I apologize for the cliche, but I believe that we're called to have joy (a more permanent deal than happiness) and to appreciate happiness when it arises.
Also,
While I agree that having a few deep friendships is necessary to being a healthy person, don't underestimate the value of other relationships that aren't necessarily as deep. I don't think it means that those relationships are "shallow" in any way.
As people, we need both kinds of relationships in our lives to make us whole.
Good thoughts, everyone.
I think it is important to keep different levels of friends. This is probably different for men and women, especially as we get older. For me, for instance, the other men I work with are one level of friends. We don't all get very close, and our relationship is based on our mutual work and proximity. This is important, but does not lead to long-term fulfillment. I think almost everyone has friends on this level, so that's not the real problem. The problem is developing close relationships. Without close relationships, to me at least, the acquaintance ones seem worthless. I can only handle so much superficiality.
I think what I mean by happiness is not too much different from what you mean by joy, Laura. I've heard the whole church jargon (like we probably all have) about happiness being an emotion and joy being something deeper - a choice. I guess when I say to search for happiness, I am meaning an emotion that comes as a result of choices. Paul sang hymns in prison (with Barnabas, I think). That was certainly an emotional response that seemed out of place for their situation. They had chosen to be happy, and had accomplished that with prior decisions and attitudes that sought our happiness. So yes, it was joy. But I would define that better as happiness. I think it's a much easier question to ask, "what will make me happy in the end," rather than, "what will make me joyful in the end."
Brett, I understand what you're saying. We think differently, though, and not knowing or understanding something just frustrates and depresses me (where it might excite you, on the other hand). I don't particularly enjoy the journey like you might, unless that journey is a constant progression towards understanding. I love understanding, and if that's what the journey is truly all about, I enjoy it (for the understanding). I do not enjoy a journey without finality. I am always looking for and needing an answer to the question, and without a progression towards an ultimate answer, the journey is disheartening to me. I know we won’t know everything in this life, but Scripture does tell us to gain truth and understanding, not just be on the journey towards them.
Brett, I understand what you're saying. We think differently, though, and not knowing or understanding something just frustrates and depresses me...
You are correct that we are different of course, but your comment above is the reason that I said what I said. I used to be like you to the extent that I was frustrated and depressed when I couldn't figure something out. Then I got married ;).
In my premarital counseling our counselor said that she was concerned about my need to have everything figured out. My response was exactly like the one that you just gave me.
7 years later (and after a depression of clinical proportions) my life and my views have been forced to make certain adjustments. What is understandable is not always as meaningful as we think. In fact, like the author of Ecclesiastes, much of what we live for might prove to be meaningless and our understanding prove to be very small. What then?
Now, I am not saying that you and I will end up in the same place at all. You to your own journey ;). However, don't overlook that you and I once held very similar perspectives...maybe before we knew each other.
It's true that just because we've had similar pasts doesn't mean we'll have similar futures. But on the other hand, we may have many similarities, and will never know until we know. I know when I was younger I had a more desperate need to have everything in black and white - a need that is not as pressing on my heart as much nowadays. I still think there is black and white in the world, and that most things are, in the end, black and white; it just takes some work to figure them out, which is what I have learned more and more as I've matured. People tend to give up the search for black and white because it becomes very hard and confusing at times. Despite that, I don't think that negates the fact that black and white exist. Proverbs 25:2 says, "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings." So searching out matters is a noble process. But being that God concealed the matter means that there is something concealed. In other words, there is an answer, but it is hidden and hard to find... yet it can be found. Thus, I enjoy searching if the goal is to find, rather than the journey.
I think of a man - perhaps an Indiana Jones kind of character - who goes on a journey to find a hidden artifact. He may learn a lot along the way. It may be an adventure. Even if he doesn't find anything, it was worthwhile because of the experience. However, his purpose was to find something, and without that purpose, there was no adventure to be had. The whole goal was to find the artifact, and not finding it makes the whole experience bittersweet.
I'm 25 and married (although that hasn't been for very long, granted). Although I know perspectives and attitudes change over time, I don't see myself going down any type of postmodern path in regards to truth finding. I thoroughly despise (is that too strong of a word? I don't mean that towards people, but towards the idea) the postmodern thought process, which does not seek to find, but seeks to seek. In fact, I do actually get joy in reading classical (or classicalesque) literature - writings from a time in which logical reasoning was king. I get even more joy out of discussing life and gaining understanding through other people. It is in this that I feel purpose and closeness of relationship with others. Since I don't have that right now, perhaps that is why I feel so lonely. That's why I hate superficiality. I would give up 100 acquaintances for one other guy who would discuss deep issues with me, in search of truth - someone I connected with on an intellectual level. These are some of the few things that bring me comfort when I feel like life in meaningless.
And that feeling of meaningless is the demon that haunts me. Why am I in the military? Why have I loved short term missions to dangerous places so much? I did these things to have meaning. I almost turned down the opportunity for a free master's degree, because it seemed meaningless to me. I only took it because it was one year, and I am generally pretty good at engineering. It ended up making me feel depressed, though, because it seemed so purposeless. My only comfort is that my thesis helped to advance US military technology...
I accept that a lot of what we do is meaningless, but refuse to accept that that is acceptable. Thus, ironically, I become discouraged and have little desire to do much, because everything seems meaningless as a result.
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