Carbon Offsets

I'm going to start selling carbon offsets. For every $1 you give me, I will NOT drive an SUV 1 mile this year. So, if you give me $100 dollars, I will cut my SUV driving by 100 miles this year. Just to make it fair, since I'm already enviro-conscious, we'll start with 10,000 miles and subtract from that.

Also, I will NOT produce livestock, which creates methane gas, at a rate of 1 cow per $100. So, if you give me $1000, I will produce 10 cows fewer than I would have otherwise.

Of course, with all of this, based on the money I receive, my carbon usage will eventually go to zero. If that is the case, I will still accept money, and just apply it to the next year (i.e., If I am paid for 3 cows more than I don't produce, I will not produce 3 cows the next year).

In addition, I will accept payments for other things, such as:
- NOT building a coal power plant
- NOT holding hair spray bottles up in the air and pushing the button until all of it is gone just for fun
- NOT artificially creating carbon monoxide in my backyard for the sole purpose of increasing greenhouse gases

Contact me and we will work out some payment plan.

And as I tell everyone, I don't do this for personal gain. I'm not greedy. Greed would be paying for the resources you use, like the above cartoon told me. Greed certainly wouldn't be using your large amount of wealth in order to make yourself feel better by paying others to change their lifestyle while you don't. I do this so that you can feel good about yourself - like you're actually doing something to help the environment. You, the rich hypocritical environmentalist, can feel like you're fighting evil. And whether or not you really are (cause you're not), feelings are what matter.

So go ahead and give me you're money so you don't have to change your lifestyle. It will make both of us happier.